love and power relations

once again, ini-explore ko na naman ang pagkahilig ko sa salitang 'power relations'. this time, it's about love. i always thought that love is a site of struggle. you see yourselves as equals kaya time and again, you have to negotiate your position. this is different from the oppressive kind na merong nasasakop at merong nagpapasakop. ideal ba?

i thought that can never happen to me. i have these insecurities that even in finding a potential life partner, mare-reflect doon how insecure i am. that my partner-to-be is a reflection of my weaknesses. aba, what made him (or her na rin) make patol to me? ako rin, matatanong ko sa sarili ko, what made me patol to him/her? is it because s/he finds me a 'lesser' person and vice versa? kung ia-apply sa usapin ng power relations, yun na nga, me usapin ng nasa ilalim at ang pumapailalim.

recently, nagtatanung-tanong ako sa mga friends ko. sabi ko, "would you fall in love with a man who is way beyond your economic and academic status?" marami akong interesting na nakuha. sabi ni jan, okay lang kasi urban poor din daw sya (as if!) saka as long as the man is not that dumb! sabi naman nung dalawa, hindi raw. the economics of love so alam nyo na kung ano yun. sabi naman nung isa, wa nya care. when it hits you, it hits you (so alam mo na jan kung sino yun!).

ako naman, dumating na sa point na wala na akong pakialam sa sasabihin ng ibang tao. dati kasi sobrang lakas na pressure sa akin yan. ngayon, nasan na yung mga taong yun? wala, nabuhay naman ako kahit wala sila. bakit kailangan ko pa silang intindihin?

pero iba na ngayon. me pangresbak na sa akin e. hindi lang ako ang dapat mag-isip ng mga konsiderasyon. me reputasyon na ako. gone are the 'innocence of youth and purity of love' days ko. i always say that men do not take me seriously. sabi ni jan (jan, masyado ka nang star dito sa blog ko), it's because i don't take myself seriously.

sa kabilang banda, love can be empowering. it's no longer an issue of who controls who. it's no longer about competition. back to basic tayo. pag-uphold ng values like trust and respect. simple lifestyle. ideal ba?